Lisa's Christmas Card

The Christmas Angel - A Poem

2011-11-15T21:12:00.000-08:00

Just Returning to Say, "Sincerest Christmas Wishes" Again This Year

2011-09-28T01:00:00.000-07:00

I put this site together a couple of years ago because it seemed to me that sometimes people can use a little boost when it comes to coming up with some Christmas spirit. As I said in the introduction, there's lots of merriment around for the "merry". Sometimes it can seem as if the not-so-merry" (regardless of why they're not merry) are overlooked - driven "into the closet". Most of us, if we're old enough, have had the occasional Christmas when finding some spirit was pretty challenging. There are times, too, when the only reason we don't feel all that merry is that we're so darned busy at this time of year.

So, I've resurrected this site, in the hopes that someone who needs a little Christmas spirit may find some in the music, videos, links, and whatever else there is on here.

Right now (as I've mentioned in my "note" above, it's still only September (and I'd like to hang onto this beautiful September weather until at least Halloween, although October weather is generally another matter altogether). I'd like to add a few new things to whatever is here, but if I don't manage to get the time I like to think most of what's here is pretty "evergreen". I WILL be back, but most likely not for another while.

Just A Hub About Christmas and Christmas Spirit

2010-12-21T00:51:00.000-08:00

Just A Hub About Christmas and Christmas Spirit

How to Make Your Artificial Christmas Tree Look Better

2009-12-07T23:30:00.000-08:00

How to Make Your Artificial Christmas Tree Look Better

On Having An Artificial (Fake) Christmas Tree - Just Thoughts (and Lots of Them)

2009-12-07T14:31:00.000-08:00

The debate over real-versus-fake Christmas trees has gone on, I'm guessing, since the invention of artificial trees (or at least since they made their way into a lot of homes, since most people accept the fact that fake trees exist in offices, stores, malls, and wherever real trees aren't practical or fire-safe enough. When I was a kid members of my family were private "horrified" when my young-married cousin got a silver tree (complete with rotating light wheel that made it turn colors) and invited everyone from third-cousins closer (and their brothers) to view this "newfangled" spectacle. To this day there is still the occasional reference to that gliche in history when fake trees were at their worst and reserved for only those lacking in good, Christmas, "taste". While green fake trees were bad, silver was just beyond comprehension (and rotating light wheels brought any silver tree from "beyond to comprehension" to laughable).

We were a "real-tree-only" family. I won't go into all the bad things we had to say about fake Christmas trees because you've probably heard them all before anyway. When my childhood family moved to a new house that had a fireplace in the living-room we often discussed how nice it would be to have a fire in it at Christmas time. My father always said we couldn't have a fire if we had a real tree, because the place-of-honor location for our tree each year was too close to the fireplace. As we, kids, grew toward our late teens there was increasing talk about having a fire in the fireplace. I guess it was because kids that age long for "feeling like Christmas" more than they often do. So, one year my parents decided to make the jump from a real tree to a fake one. Not willing to accept any number of the "lousy-looking" fake trees on the market, they made it a point to select the highest priced tree they could find. Having accepted that there would be "no smell" with this tree that so went against all of our grains, and accepting that we could not use the same old string of hot-burning, old fashioned, lights we'd used for years, we began to enjoy our Christmas times with the ever-handy Duraflame logs and the occasionally unsettling sparks that flew out past the fireplace screen. Like most people with "living" fireplaces, we learned the extreme importance of an open flue.

Completely aware that this new tree didn't really measure up to any of the previous ones, we reminded ourselves that it was better shaped and fuller than any real one we'd ever have; and we convinced ourselves it looked "nice enough" (even if was "too bad" we couldn't have the "regular lights"). With us, kids, as grown up as we were, and with this revolutionizing of our Christmas, my mother apparently decided this was a good time to break it to us that it was time to stop using the beaten up, hand-made-and-Crayola-crayon-colored, paper ornaments we'd so faithfully hung on every tree since kindergarten. It was also time to get rid of things like the string of eight tiny reindeer that had been broken and lost to the point of only being three tiny reindeer. My older sister's kindergarten contribution had also been some Santa faces made from cotton balls, two sequins for the eyes, one for the nose, and (apparently) none for the mouth (although she was five years older than I, so I think by the time I came along the mouths had already lost their Elmer's glue). In any case, it was time to stop using the cotton-ball Santa faces since they'd pretty been turned into faceless cotton balls with a sequin or two and a red, paper, hat. We would, of course, save them - just not use them.

I don't know what my younger brother thought of all these Christmas changes, but my sister and I reluctantly admitted we glad not to "have to" use those Crayola, Elmer's glue, and paper-fastener decorations any longer. In spite of any reservations about "those little lights" and no smell, we had our new, more grown-up, Christmases and fires in the fireplace. By the second year we had adjusted to the fake tree. (It was, after all, "better" than most.) Even so, no Christmas went by without at least a few remarks that justified the fact that we had sunken to the depths of using a fake tree with no smell. I don't actually recall how many of these new, grown-up, Christmases we had before my father died on Thanksgiving in the early 1973. By that time my sister was married, and my brother was still young. I fell into inheriting my father's role as "Christmas-tree putter-upper and light-stringer". I also fell into the role of sole Christmas-tree decorator. This would apparently become our "tradition" until I got married in the late 70's. A year didn't go by when I didn't think about how I "shouldn't have inherited this job" so early in my life.

When my husband and I were "young marrieds" and living in an apartment there was the usual question such young couples have, "Should we bother with a tree when we aren't home most of the time, and when we'll be having Christmas at parents' homes anyway?" There were the usual suggestions of friends and relatives, "Why don't you just get a small tree for a table?" As far as I was concerned, a small tree on a table was a table decoration - not a Christmas tree. I decided I'd buy a fake tree but not spend a lot of money for it. (After all, we weren't home most of the time.) Since we had no children yet, and since our "real" Christmas would be celebrated at my mother's house, I indulged the dream a lot of young women have of decorating a tree according to my own idea of what makes a beautiful tree, without less regard for tradition than "designer ideas". I got a full-height, but kind of slender, fake tree on clearance at the now defunct, Bradlees, for about $13 (marked down from about $35); and I chose an all-gold theme that said, "No children live here, but someone with a real eye for a professionally decorated tree does." There year when I was expecting my first child was the year I developed pregnancy complications around Christmas and was hospitalized on New Years' Eve. When I left the hospital with a complicated pregnancy still intact I was too worried about doing anything too strenuous, and my husband was working long hours, so I sat on the couch a lot and looked at that tree for about three weeks longer than it should have been up before deciding to dismantle it a little at a time. It was the end of February when I was hospitalized again, and the pregnancy ended unsuccessfully. The following year I would change the theme of the cheesy and cheap fake tree because I wouldn't want to be reminded of the previous year.

The year we adopted our son brought yet more changes to the tree because this was now "a child's tree". No longer should it look like a "designer tree". I went with a more traditional decorating theme. A few years later we would bring our second son, born prematurely and requirikng extra time in the hospital, home the day before Thanksgiving. It would be a great Christmas that year, but I was glad not to have a fatter tree to fill with decorations. We would be having several guests for Christmas dinner that year. There was also, of course, all the shopping. I had a child in kindergarten and a premie to care for. It was good to have a fake tree and not have to worry about finding and dragging home a real one, sawing it off, getting it set up in water, and watering it. More than I had in previous years, I was actually kind of appreciating having a fake tree.

The last year that Bradlees tree would be used as the main tree was the year I was expecting my daughter. She was due at the end of January and threatened to be born in October. Now THAT was a Christmas for which preparations were a real challenge. We brought our little girl home a couple of days after News Years Day, and the living room was filled with a mixture of Christmas and new-baby "atmosphere" of pink balloons, leftover hospital flowers, and whatever other pink, new-baby, items had been brought into the house.

The following year, with three children (none of whom was in the process of being expected, the process of being adopted, or the process of being a premie newborn), we got a new, artificial, tree that looked more like a tree ought to look. "The good kind" of artificial trees were out in stores. The days of the big, fat, branches were over. The new trees looked more like real trees. The children were getting bigger, after all. There would be no more "they don't know the difference anyway." Besides, we were a family now. Families need "good" trees. The Bradlees tree was relegated to the family room, and would be given a "children's theme". The new tree, with a traditional-yet-beautiful theme, took its place in the living room. We weren't just a two-tree family. We were a two-fake-tree family. How on Earth had such a thing happened?

Through moves and changes (and general wearing out), the Bradlees tree was retired. Over time I perfected my tree-decorating techniques, and each year I'd make slight changes or additions to earlier tree theme. My role as "tree-putter-upper-and-decorator" was well estabished; although, of course, the children helped hang the ornaments each year (after I'd put up the tree, strung the lights, and gotten some of the other "basics" on the tree). Any tree-putter-upper knows that hanging the ornaments is the least of anyone's problems.

The year my mother was wheelchair bound I put up the tree in her house (one she had gotten years earlier to replace the old, long-lasting, tree she and my father had bought together). The following year, when she died the day before Thanksgiving (Thanksgiving has certainly brought its share of life-events for me), I robotically dug out her Christmas tree, put it up, and put a single candle in her living-room window. Although I put up her own tree, I bought a bunch of new, meaningless, decorations because I wasn't ready to look at the ones I'd so often hung so many years before.

It had turned out that in our family, fake trees had become the tradition. Each year there has always been the digging out of one tree or another; and as each artificial tree has been replaced somewhere along the way, each new tree has been one with each this "tree putter-upper-and-decorator" has become intimately familiar. One year, a few years ago, in a fleeting moment of believing it was better to have a real tree, we got a perfect real tree, believing it would be great to once again have a real tree with a real smell (especially since this particular tree was so full and perfect). Sure, it meant feeling sad to see it out for the trash after Christmas; and, to be honest, it wasn't really my idea to give into the urge to have a tree that smells. Still, we went with it.

It turned out the perfect tree didn't have a bit of smell. On top of it, everyone who saw it just thought it was our usual artificial tree! In the meantime, there was the matter of watering it and needles. Since I'm not just the "tree-putter-upper", but the "tree-taker-downer", I was careful not to just toss the tree on the ground as it waited for pick-up. Instead, I lovingly and sentimentally leaned it against a tree out front. Somehow that seemed kinder and more respectful than just throwing it on the side of road.

A few years ago we made the jump to a "really-top-of-the-line" fake tree; and with the benefit of decades of experience making a fake tree look really great, these days we have (I think it's safe to say) an enviably great-looking Christmas tree. The kids are grown, so it seems kind of right that with their maturity level going up should come a Christmas tree that is equally mature in its polish, beauty, and level of inspiring awe (along with a little extra sense of magic). It doesn't take a grand and awe-inspiring tree to make one three-year-old child feel like Christmas; but when young, single, adults arrive and say, "Now I feel like Christmas," - now THAT it is enough to make all the decades of being a "tree-putter-upper, decorator, and taker downer" worth every week's worth of plastic-pine-needle cuts in one's hands well worth it.

It turns out that digging out that fake tree every year actually can feel quite traditional to those of us who dig it out, and quite traditional to those accustomed to seeing that same tree each year. We "tree-putter-uppers" learn that, while we are a stranger to each new, new (real or fake) tree we get, we're never strangers to an old, familiar, family tree. Family trees (whether ancestry-related or Christmas-related) evolve. They're not disposable. They have a history. It turns out, at least from what I've seen, that family trees can be about as traditional and treasured as it gets - and sometimes that's well worth the price of not having the living-room smell like real pine.

As I sit here and think about dragging the Christmas tree out of its box in the basement, I think of how I've been putting up at least one fake Christmas tree since 1973; with the exception of that one glitch in family history when I only had to put lights on and decorate that one, smell-less, real, tree. It's not a job I look forward to, and I really don't look forward to having my "Winter-dry" hands getting chopped to bits once again. Still, once the tree is up each year, I can't help but feel as if it's as real as anything in this life can get.

The Christmas Tree Lights War - White, Colored, or Other?

2009-12-03T12:48:00.000-08:00

In some families (or between some couples) everyone agrees on whether Christmas tree lights should be colored or white, and so in those households there is no Christmas Tree Lights war. Then, however, there are those households in which the war (or at least minor, secret, longing and/or resentment) results when someone wants colored lights on the tree and someone else wants all white lights.

This can happen when someone has grown up with tree lights "always" being colored or "always" being white, and many people want those things that made them feel like Christmas carried on into adulthood. Then, too, there are people who always wished their own parents had the other color lights, vowed to have the color of their preference when they grew up, and then find themselves living with someone who shares the opposite preferences that parents had. What to do? What to do? Someone isn't going to be happy, unless...... everyone in the house gets the tree lights he wants.

As a long-time resident in the land of the Christmas Light Cold War, several years ago I finally realized that the color of the tree lights doesn't have to be an "either/or" situation. One tree can have both. Yes, this means twice the cords to bury into branches and twice the tangling to deal with before and after Christmas (not to mention twice the cost of buying all those lights, but these days lights are inexpensive); but stringing two completely different light colors lets everyone be happy some of the time.

Stringing lights in a way that allows one plug to cover the white lights, and a separate plug to cover the colored lights, allows for lighting the tree with only white, only colored, or both (a particularly sparkling and festive look, but get out the sunglasses if you have a lot of lights).

Further variety in "look" can be achieved by using the kind of sets of light that allow for several different blinking arrangements (individually, all at once, high speed, low speed, only every six bulbs, etc. etc.).

Lighting looks can be changed according to who is home or time of time. (I use the colored/white combination for early evenings when one person is home and white lights only when I'm alone in the house or for days or late nights. On Christmas day I use both sets because the tree looks particularly bright, sparkly, and festive. I have a feeling when I leave the house there's a good chance the only-colored-lights arrangement may be used. I, personally, never choose that one.

This stroke of lighting good will and "brilliance" has served our family well over the last several years, and I'll never have another Christmas tree with only one color lights again.

Rats - My Floodlight's Broken! A Christmas "Emergency"

2008-12-13T10:24:00.000-08:00

Every Christmas, like "half the rest of the world", I hang a traditional wreath on my front door. Sometimes I just hang a traditional, natural, wreath with a tradition bow. Sometimes I add berries or other decorations. It depends on my mood, how sick I am of the "same old wreath" of the most recent years, and my mood.

A few years ago we changed the lighting on the front porch, though, and it wasn't until I hung the Christmas wreath months later that I discover the light doesn't really hit the wreath. So, in the darkness of night, the wreath looks like a shadowy blob on the door. In fact, it actually seems to darken the light ordinarily given off by the porch light.

By the time I discovered this the first year it was a little too late to get a temporary flood light to shine on the door. I vowed to get one the next year, but I couldn't find the kind I was looking for. I went through two Christmases with the front-door/wreath situation irking the heck out of me at night (and if your lights and decorations don't look good at night, what's the point?).

Last year I set out early on my quest for a holiday floor light. Thinking WalMart specializes in such things, I went to their lighting department. A friendly sales associate asked what I was looking for; and when I told her, she went on to explain how I'd need someone to do a whole, big, electrical wiring thing to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish. I knew better.

After looking at a few stores I was preparing for another shadowy Christmas door, and then - much to my surprise - I found exactly what I was looking for in Brooks Pharmacy. It would need a lamp and an extension cord, but I was delighted. I bought the lamp and the extension (green so it could be discreet).

Happily I stuck the holiday floodlight into the ground by the walk, and I carefully arranged the cord so it wouldn't show and wouldn't get caught in the snowblower if it snowed. The door looked absolutely perfect, and for the first time in a few years I was really happy with it. With the first couple of snows that fell the light just melted the snow around it (it occurred to me that a whole bunch of them would make clearing the walk unnecessary, although I knew it was a ridiculous notion). With one storm, though, the light was knocked over and then frozen into the snow. As I tried to carefully get the whole "arrangement" restored to its normal "beauty", the glass lamp sprung from my hand, hit the blacktop, and broke. I immediately replaced it, and for another little while I had the great front door lighting again. Not long after that, I looked out to discover the lamp was out again. I assumed it was yet more storm damage and resigned myself to not having that "perfect" door for the rest of the season. (Christmas was over by this time anyway.)

I bought a replacement lamp, thinking that's all I'd need this year. Recently, when I dug out the Christmas floodlight, thinking I'd just add a new lamp and be all set, I discovered the thing made a snap when I screwed in the lamp. I tried a second one, and the same thing happened. Apparently, the little piece of junk was only meant to last for about two weeks before Christmas (as long as there were no snow storms and certainly no ice storms).

So, now that I've discovered this recently, here I am - faced with the challenge of either living with a shadowy wreath or hoping to find another temporary, junky, floodlight that may or may not last until Christmas. Oh - woe is me. Woe is me. Of course, we all know that I'll be out looking for yet another one of those cheapy Christmas floodlights until I find one. (Since I'm not inclined to put a spotlight on my front door at any other time of year, the idea of installing a "real" floodlight doesn't interest me.)

In the meantime, there it is - the wreath that turns into a shadowy blob at night, probably causing all passers by to think, "Well, the window lights are nice but I wonder why they hang that non-descript, black, blob on their door each year." Oh - woe is me! Maybe I should buy a case of the cheapy floodlights and just kind of realize they should be seen as five-day, disposable, affairs.

December 03, 2009 Note: Ask me if I ever got that new floodlight. No. I completely forgot about it until I came to this site and saw this post as a reminder. ("Note to self - Buy new floodlight before next Monday, for goodness sake!!")

A Favorite Christmas Song

2008-12-05T04:11:00.000-08:00

My favorite Christmas is a song that I didn't like when I was younger - "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". I used to think the word, "little," in the song was "stupid". Over time the song grew on me. First, I began to appreciate the very pretty melody and began to overlook the fact that I wasn't too taken by the words (mostly that, "little"). Somewhere along the way I began to listen to all the words other than that "little", and I realized the words are very meangingful. I decided that the song had more meaningful words in it than that one "stupid" word, and I became more forgiving. Of course, time can change us, as well as our preference for music.

When I was a child, the two kinds of Christmas music that meant the most to me were traditional, religious, Christmas music and the lighter, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" kind of songs. That, I suppose, was because I went to church with my father and, even as a child, found the traditional/religious music very beautiful at Christmas. Also, being a child, I of course liked the lighter songs.

My father passed away when I was 21; and although the family continued to have the same kind of Christmases, things (and I) had changed. I continued to like the same songs I had liked all along, but once I got into my twenties there were office parties, company parties, and parties with young, single, friends. Christmas was still primarily about family to me, but new dimensions had been added. I guess when you're in your twenties you're close enough to your childhood and teen years to still like the same music, and you're not spending a lot of time analyzing lyrics and melodies to songs you've heard "forever".

When my children were little my sister's children were similar in age to mine. There were two other family members who were of that age as well, so Christmas was all about the children - and about as busy and chaotic as Christmases can be. There was, of the course, the Santa shopping and the gift shopping. There was the figuring out of which fancy dish would be for which fancy vegetable for the Christmas dinners that were always at my house (because I had the youngest children). I'd generally tune out the incessant Christmas music piped into every store at the mall, supermarket, and even empty parking lots. Christmases were fun but crazy, and getting ready for them left little time for calmly listening to, and reflecting on, Christmas music. The one thing I would do would be on Christmas Eve, when, after the kids and my husband were all asleep, I'd put the television on that Yule Log that used to be on and listen to the traditional Christmas music. It was my little moment of peace after a long Christmas season and before I had to get up and make dinner for 22 people, along with everything else there was to do. As the years passed the children, of course, grew to be young adults.

It was twelve years ago that my mother passed away, and thirteen years ago that my older sister became a grandmother. Her daughter has since had three more children, which means my sister's Christmas Day has now become centered around her grandchildren. Our Christmas Day visiting routine has, over time, gradually changed, along with the ages of our children.

These days my children are young adults with friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc., but no spouses or children yet. Christmas does include my children, their father, my brother, and anyone else who shows up; but it's a quieter time. My sister has a separate Christmas get-together at her house on a different day. My kids' paternal grandparents are no longer with us; and like their cousins on my side, their cousins on their father's have grown and gone out on their own. Even though it has been some time since my parents have both passed away, there is always that thing we have at Christmas that kind of hangs over our head and makes us think of those Christmases when we were kids and had both our parents - and it seemed as if things would be like that forever.

I still like the traditional Christmas music (although after the first few decades of listening to it one can get a little tired of it). I still love the "Rudolph" and "Frosty" kind of songs. I find "Little Drummer Boy" and, particularly, "Do You Hear What I Hear" beautiful songs. Very beautiful, too, are "For Unto Us A Child Is Born" and "Hark the Herald Angels Sing". Heck, I've even come around to liking "We Three Kings" (after really disliking that song as a kid). I've come far enough past the loss of my parents (and all their siblings and siblings' spouses, as well) that Christmas is, of course, a happy and special holiday. Still, I suppose our tastes in Christmas music may reflect our stage of life and feelings more than one would think.

A few years ago I decided to download a Christmas song to my cell phone. I happened to run into "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" and decided it was a pretty melody to use as a ringtone. Over time, I began to pay more attention to that song, truly forgive the lyricist for using the word, "little" (which no longer seemed so stupid), and listen more carefully to the words. My favorite line is when the song gets to "Hang a shining star upon the highest bough" (although I, personally, have a Christmas angel for my tree).

What I guess I most like about the song, though, is that it recognizes that Christmas isn't always about decking the halls for office and company parties or even running ourselves ragged in our effort to be Santa's helpers. "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" recognizes that when being young and single is a thing of the past; when office parties (now often called "Winter celebrations" and held in January just to make sure nobody mistakes them for a Christmas party) are no longer what they once were; and even after there's no more need to put out those plates of cookies (and having Daddy eat them but make sure to leave some crumbs); Christmas remains special in ways that, perhaps, we can only appreciate once we have experienced a little more of life and loss. I suppose, to me, the pretty and low-key melody seems almost like a Christmas "love song" of sorts for family and friends (which somehow, even though it's not super cheerful or super holy, just kind of conveys the warmth and meaning of Christmas).

When Christmas is no longer about the innocence of Santa (anticipating his arrival or pretending to be him), the craziness of having 8 or 9 little cousins throwing wrapping paper all over the living room; or the craziness, elegance and/or stuffiness of company parties; the true meaning of it somehow just seems closer to the surface. "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" is, in its own way, a little Christmas song. It doesn't have the power that religious or traditional Christmas music has, and it doesn't have the bright, Christmas-y, mood that the "Rudolph" and "Holly Jolly Christmas" kind of songs have. It is, though, a beautiful little song - and it is (at least for now) my favorite.

When the Christmas Spirit Doesn't Move You

2008-11-16T01:59:00.000-08:00

Whether Christmas holds a religious meaning for you, or whether your focus is on family, tradition, and that warm, peace-on-Earth approach, there are times when it can be a real challenge to feel even a shred of Christmas spirit.

For every family that gets to enjoy a festive Christmas with all the trimmings there are many more who simply don't have the money for such a Christmas. Whether or not money is an issue, there are many people who live alone and don't see the need to try to create some Christmas atmosphere. There are also those times when someone is sick or when people have had recent loss and can't imagine bothering with Christmas. Some of these people will have fond memories of Christmas seasons that "felt like Christmas". Others may have never experienced the feeling.

Regardless of circumstances, its just kind of nice when people don't feel that the Christmas season is for others but not for them. For people who need to create a Christmas for children (even grown ones) or elderly family members finding a way to create a little Christmas atmosphere is particularly important. How, though, can the person with limited means or limited energy muster up what it takes to create some Christmas atmosphere in the home? Its really not that difficult or expensive. The world is full of magazines that tell readers how to have a beautiful Christmas when energy and money are in abundance (or at least not stretched to the limit). The following ideas on making the Christmas season feel a little more like Christmas are for those who are stretched to the limit, whether that's when it comes to money, physical stamina, or emotional energy.

Must-Haves Whether You'll Eat Them or Not

Gingerbread Men: During the Christmas season every home should have a plate of gingerbread men and a bowl of candy canes out somewhere. Li'l Debbie has boxes of eight wrapped gingerbread men for just over one dollar. If you're able to make gingerbread that is, of course, even better. (4 pkgs x 1.39)

Candy Canes: Boxes of a dozen candy canes are also available for about a dollar or less. Traditional peppermint canes are the most Christmas-y. Besides being put out on display to create a little atmosphere, both gingerbread men and candy canes make inexpensive, traditional and charming tree decorations if you will have a tree. Sure, your taste may lean toward fine baked goods and elegant ornaments from a gift shop, but when you're stretched to the limit you sometimes need to go with what is simply Christmas-y and traditional. (3 pkgs x 1.00)

Must-Haves Whether They're Your Taste or Not

Balsam Christmas Wreath with a Red Bow for Your Front Door: Your first preference may not be the basic balsam wreath. Maybe you don't even like them. They are, however, easy to find and inexpensive. Decorating your door with one of these will leave more money to be spent on something else. Whether you like them or don't, they're Christmas-y and traditional. (Also, they smell like Christmas.) (About $5) If you don't have a front door, decorate an inside door, wall or window with a wreath.

Window candles and extra bulbs: Traditional, plastic, window candles are extremely inexpensive. You may not be able to (or want to) put one in every window in your house, but put one (or a multi-bulb candelabra - also inexpensive) in the windows of the room where you'll spend most of your time. (3 or 4: $6 -$8) If you don't have windows stand candles on tables (or boxes if you need to).

String Lights: Window candles can make more atmosphere than string lights do, but if you have a spare few dollars for a string of lights to drape over a handrail or fireplace even better. If you're going to have a tree you will need at least two sets of string lights. (2 boxes of 100-lights: About $6) If you don't have a tree string lights over railings or across windows or door frames.

Poinsettias: If you can only buy one little poinsettia to put on your dining table buy at least that. If buying a larger plant or additional smaller ones is possible, the more the better. If there's a reason you can't buy real plants consider looking for a few good fake poinsettias to put in the a glass vase. (Yes, fake flowers are often tacky, but its better to have a few fake poinsettias in vases than no poinsettias at all. They help with the Christmas feeling.)

Scented Potpourri, Tarts or Candles: Products to scent the home come in all kinds of Christmas-y scents. They can really ad to the atmosphere. One tart can be used several times. You do, of course, need a burner. If you can't come up with a burner votive candles are the next best thing. Votives can be found at dollar stores and grocery stores.

Christmas Music: Sometimes you can find inexpensive Christmas music in dollar stores, but even if you don't have and can't buy any radio stations often play Christmas music in the days leading up to Christmas. Some play nothing but Christmas music on Christmas Eve and Day.

Tablecloth: If you have a white, cream, red, green, or Christmas tablecloth iron it and put it on your table. Stores like WalMart sell tablecloths (sometimes in the Christmas aisle, rather than in domestics) for as little as $8. If you can't come up with a cloth tablecloth buy a disposable holiday version. The lightweight plastic table covers are inexpensive and durable enough to be able to leave on for the week or so before Christmas. Don't shop at a party store for these. Grocery stores, discount stores, and dollar stores are the best bet.

The above, basic, items will help create Christmas feeling in your home. Depending on how many of these items you need to buy the total expenditure could range as high as $30 or $35. If money is a problem it may be possible to buy these items over the course of a few weeks or more in order to make the expense less painful.

A Tree: A tree really helps create a Christmas atmosphere, so if at all possible its nice to have a tree.

Trees, of course, cost money and can be work to put up. If you already have an artificial tree that's one expense about which you won't need to worry. Small trees are sometimes easier to afford than full-sized trees. They're also easier to put up. Mini-trees are better than none, whether they're real or artificial. Real trees can be found relatively inexpensively, but they require work to put up. Its possible you would know someone who has an old artificial tree they don't want to use this year and would let you borrow. Even "tired" old artificial trees can be held together with wire or tape if they must be called to duty one last time.

A tree is more important to have when young children live in the home, but having even a small tree will add a little atmosphere to anyone's Christmas season.

Decorating the tree: The $35 I noted above includes four packages of Li'l Debbie gingerbread men. Use two or three to decorate the tree. That figure also includes three packages of candy canes. Use two for the tree. If you buy one or two sets of string lights use them on a tree rather than elsewhere in the house. If you're able to afford a third set of lights for the tree that would add sparkle. If your tree has nothing but lights, gingerbread men and candy canes it will look Christmas-y and traditional. Anything extra you're able to add will be even nicer.

Gifts: When young children are involved and money is the problem it may be necessary to ask for assistance from local groups which help Santa come for young children. When there aren't young children you will need to decide whether its possible to find tiny gifts for each family member or whether exchanging gifts is necessary. Dollar stores are great for finding inexpensive glass vases, photo albums, tools, knit caps, or any number of items that could be wrapped. These stores also sell wrapping paper for less. Making gifts is always a nice idea as well.

Christmas Dinner: While having a big dinner with all the fixings is, of course, the nicest thing to do, there can be times when cutting back on the lavish dinner in order to have a few Christmas goodies may feel more like Christmas. Some people would agree that they care less about the big dinner than they do the atmosphere, so don't feel bad about cutting back on the dinner. This may be one time when decorations and traditional treats may be more crucial than a big, fancy, dinner.

Christmas Goodies: It doesn't feel like Christmas without Christmas goodies, but for under $2 (sometimes as little as $1) you can buy a mix like Pillsbury's cranberry, apple, or date breads. For under $6 three breads can be made. Cutting small pieces can provide some for Christmas Eve and some for Christmas Day. If you're not able to provide any goodies other than these, the gingerbread men, and the candy canes at least these items are traditional. A nice extra is pop corn on Christmas Eve. Its inexpensive and smell nice when its popping.

Tips for When Your Money is Limited: When money is a problem, whether or not your Christmas will be as bare-bones as the one proposed above, try to begin picking up an item here or there no later than October. As early as possible, but no later than November, find ways to cut down on your regular grocery spending. Use the money you save by cutting back to buy what you need for Christmas. These may not be ideal, but the frozen meat case usually has small turkey breast roasts (in a foil pan with gravy) for about $3. Canned vegetables and instant potato are inexpensive. Add a package of dinner rolls, and you've got a modest dinner for the holiday.

Tips for When Your Physical Stamina is Low: If you have family members ask them to help. When it comes to putting up any decorations do one thing at a time, here or there, over the first week or so of December.

Tips for When Your Emotional Energy is Depleted: Again, ask for help. Again, don't try to do everything at once. Make lists to help clear your mind. Check off each completed task. Start taking out the holiday/special dishes early, only a few at a time. Make sure they're clean, dry, and wrapped so they'll be ready for use when you want them. Make sure all dishes you'll be using are ready to go by around December 15. Don't leave any gifts to collect before wrapping them, but even if you do get all wrapping done by no later than December 15 or so. The last ten days before Christmas should not be more stress than they need to be.

The above suggestions will not get you a big, beautiful, extravagant, Christmas. Using these suggestions may, however, get you a little Christmas feeling in the weeks before the holiday and a nice, traditional, little, Christmas Day. Whether you're low on money, physical stamina, emotional energy, or all of the above a nice little Christmas may be just the thing to help you forget your troubles and have that one special day.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas. These ideas are my gift to you.

Often Overlooked Gifts for Boys in the 7 to 14 Age Range

2008-11-16T01:56:00.001-08:00

Most boys like a good set of Legos (even if it's too add to some they already have). Most boys (even those too old to play with toys in general, like any kind of good building/construction set and will be kept busy). Also, they often like magic sets, things to help them start a collection of some kind, scooters, hockey skates, vinyl baseball bases, nets for street hockey, pogo sticks, stilts, "intelligent" games (Stratego-type games, Monopoly, Life, Battleship). Then there's always sports equipment, bike accessories, books about how things are made or books about adventures or collections or whatever they're interested in).

A scooter, sled, snowboard, unicycle, pogo stick, or pair of stilts may be fun. Vinyl baseball bases, nets for street hockey, or any kind of sporting equipment usually appeals to boys, provided the sport is one in which they've shown interest. Books about real-life adventures, collections, sports figures, or science often appeal to boys. So do books on things like how to play guitar, how to draw, or how to build. Magic sets or sets that begin a collection are often good. Hockey skates, skis, or equipment associated with either or these can make good gifts. For boys who like art, art sets and supplies make good gifts. A camera and photography books can make a good gift for the right boy. Boys in this age range often also like particularly challenging puzzles and brain teasers.

Getting Through the Holidays After Recently Losing A Loved One

2008-11-16T01:50:00.000-08:00

My parents are both gone now. My father died on Thanksgiving, and my mother died that day before Thanksgiving. You can probably imagine what a cloud that put over all future Thanksgiving for us - but we do the day and do our best to ignore that cloud. The first Christmas after each death was weeks after the death, so those we just go through with numbness. With the Christmas that was closer to the year anniversaries, though, it was also difficult. One reason is that (at least for me) it's around a year that the numbness has worn off and when you start to feel it all as if for the first time almost. Of course, you're used to what happened, so you can deal with it better.

What I've learned is this: Don't expect much from Christmas this year. Know it will have a cloud over it, and try to find things that will keep you from paying much attention that "cloud". Stay away from particularly serious and holy Christmas music and events, because they can just get you moved and thinking. Try to listen to the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Winter Wonderland kind of music.

Decide not to expect this year to be like others. Think of it - right upfront - as a Christmas that you will need to kind of remove yourself from in some ways. Put up a few decorations if you want. If you don't feel like it, don't. Decorations rub salt into the wound for some people. Think of Christmas as a dinner and the chance to give some gifts, but consciously try to keep from feeling any Christmas spirit or feeling the day at all. Put up a wall, so to speak. Keep in mind that your loved one probably would want you to get through the day as best as you can, so if you have to decide to try not to think about her as much as possible that's probably what she would want you to do. Chances are at a couple of times during the day someone in the family will think of her/him and maybe cry, but that's ok too. Let the holidays this year be completely different from other years because, again, you can go back to your traditions next year or the year after. This is a "special kind of Christmas", and you need to do what it will take to get through it most comfortably.

If you have a chance to go to any parties go. It's good to get out where people are being light hearted and laughing. You probably won’t really feel up to going anywhere, and you’ll probably think there’s no point; but if you’re at all open to the idea of going, just go for a little while at least. It’s not disrespectful to go to a little Christmas party soon after losing someone. It’s a chance to get out and talk to socialize a little, even if you’re not the life of the party. It’s best to stay away from alcohol as much as possible (particularly if you’re the type who gets gloomy and more likely to cry after a couple of drinks). When you’re trying to get through the first holidays after losing someone close it’s a time when you need to keep your emotions under control as much as possible. You don’t need your inhibitions lowered right now.
People at the party will know you just lost someone. Nobody will be expecting you to dance on the tables. It’s perfectly acceptable to just go, have some holiday party food, and talk with a few people.

Stay away from the activities that you always shared with your loved one. Don’t go to places where you went with him/her this year.

Decide to keep the holidays simple. If you can eat dinner at someone else's house or spend time someone other than where you usually do, do that. Again, you can go back to the old ways of doing things next year.

Keep in mind that these holidays are just days. They start at midnight and end at midnight, and there's sleeping during a few of those hours. Morning isn't usually as bad because it's not when most people have started their traditional dinner/festivities, so all you really need to get through is afternoons and early evenings.

The year my mother died my brother had already gotten the stuff to do dinner. Because of my mother I had my younger kids stay with their other grandmother for Thanksgiving. My sister and her family stayed in their own house. My brother did dinner for me, my oldest son, and himself. We didn't get out any fancy dishes. We just sat together and ate the dinner. It was pretty pathetic feeling, but we got through it. My brother's reasoning was that since he had the food we may as well eat it. We did nothing else that Thanksgiving, but it passed.

Losing a loved one is an awful thing, and it takes surprisingly long to really get over it (as much as you ever will), but it's also often surprising how we actually get through those first holidays by going through the motions, keeping things simple, going out to be with friends as much as possible, and generally waking up the next day to realize that it was only 24 hours; and it is now over.

So, keep things simple. Do things differently. Stay away from things that you know will make you feel like Christmas. Turn Christmas (and Thanksgiving) into "toned down days" and do the things that you think will make it easier on yourself and other family members. It can help to just decide this will be a "lost" Christmas in some ways. Normal life and normal holidays will return, but this isn't the year for that.

When It's Truly the Thought the Counts - Super-Inexpensive Gift Ideas

2008-11-12T16:59:00.001-08:00

When the gift recipients will be family or friends (rather than, say, professional colleagues) it truly is the thought that counts. Family and friends understand the financial situation of those who struggle with finances. (If you have professional colleagues to whom you plan to give gifts chances are you also have the money to buy an appropriate one.)

Bear in mind that these suggestions are for the truly financially challenged (such as students, low-income individuals, unemployed people, and the unemployed), and remember that the future gift recipients really do understand the situation and don't want someone who is struggling to try to buy "better" gifts.

1. Gifts that have been created by the giver are always very nice. If you're able to paint, something like simple watercolor artworks on mats make a really nice gift. If you're not an artist but are able to make anything with materials from a crafts store or discount store's crafts department that's nice too. WalMart has a crafts department and sells unpainted wood cut-outs out of which wall-hangings can be made. The small bottles of paint sell for under fifty cents each.

One or two stems of artificial flowers can be taken apart and arranged attractively on the painted wall-hanging. Ribbon for decorating and/or hanging or stick-on flowers and other stick-ons are also available. Hangers can be found either in the crafts, framing, stationery or curtain-rod departments. While a glue gun and glue stick are always best, extremely inexpensive glue can be found in the stationery department for under a dollar.

For the beading-inclined, crafts departments have all kinds of beads that can easily be strung to make gifts for girls (over six years old or so) and women.

2. Dollar Stores and Discount Stores (like WalMart) offer a variety of items that can be pretty, attractive or useful. Stores like these often offer a variety of basic glass vases, which, in themselves, are often handy to have. For the person who has a little skill with a paintbrush, painting these basic vases can turn something basic into something very special.

These stores usually offer inexpensive photo albums, things like desk accessories, or tools. While inexpensive tools aren't what a professional would want, the person who has no tools in his car's trunk may appreciate a few basic screwdrivers, wrenches and/or flashlights. Often found in stores like this are standard knit ski caps and basic little knit gloves in all colors. Things like umbrellas or scarves can also be extremely inexpensive. There are also "gift-y" items like scented candles and candle accessories. Picture frames (especially with your photo or painting in it) make nice gifts. These stores often have holiday or year-round mugs, which could be filled with candy or nuts and wrapped Easter-basket style with colored, see-through paper and a ribbon tie.

Discount stores often offer rather pretty costume jewelry, but even gift shops often offer nice looking costume jewelry for under fifteen dollars. With inexpensive costume jewelry simpler is usually better, and staying away from large, fake stones is always a good idea (unless, of course, you know that the recipient likes huge, fake, stones). Simple pieces without "gems" or with only tiny ones are usually the nicest. Also available in discount stores and gift shops are keychains, coaster sets, and other smaller gifts such as sports-team associated bottle openers, hats, keychains, Teddy Bears, or mugs.

Discount and dollar stores often sell calendars for very little. Placemats, potholders, and placemat/potholder sets make nice little gifts. So do table-runners and doilies. Stores like these offer two-dollar calculators (although you have to hunt out the ones that don't look like they cost that), dollar FM radios that fit in a pocket or purse, super-cheap headphones or earbuds (for the person who could use an extra pair and doesn't care whether they're top-of-the-line).

Sometimes a shopper can find super-cheap books or CD's at these stores. Small-sized scents, moisturizers, and other bath products from well known companies are often available, and sometimes unknown companies offer these products in pretty packages/bottles. (Many lesser known companies offer products that have a nice scent.)

For the gift recipient who also struggles, sometimes a pretty gift bag full of things the recipient really needs makes the perfect gift. Does s/he need office or school supplies? Kitchen items? Bathroom items? Personal products? Gadgets? Would a selection of teas, candy, cookies, coffees or cheeses be something the recipient would like? Keep in mind that discount department stores and drug stores also offer some fairly nice holiday gift packages priced at ten dollars and under. Hunting carefully can often help the shopper find that particularly nice gift package that's just a little more appealing than some of the not-so-great ones. At holiday time candy is often packaged in special tins. So is popcorn.

These stores often offer fairly nice looking (but cheap) glass plates, bowls, glasses, juice decanters, or even wine glasses. Not all gift recipients are looking for Lenox items. Holiday time often brings sales on things like coffee makers, toasters and irons. Other kitchen/food gadgets are also usually available for under fifteen dollars. For the shopper who knows someone who needs a cell phone or Ipod case, these stores often offer very inexpensive but reasonably nice looking cases.

Toys for babies under two are usually quite inexpensive. Bibs and cute little undershirts are also available for babies. So are Golden Books (often sold at places like supermarkets). Coloring books, paint-with-water books, activity books and crayons make nice little gifts for children. Generally, the toy department at a discount store offers toys, books, craft sets, and other items for children between five and twelve.

Regardless of the age of the recipient, small stuffed animals are usually available at discount department stores, discount drug stores, and dollar stores. At holiday time there are often pretty porcelain, collector-type, dolls in a variety of sizes.

Sometimes a shopper may find a pretty slip or camisole as a gift for women. There are also trinket boxes, make-up cases (or sets of cases), and tote bags. Some men may appreciate a good package of their favorite kind of socks, a shaving set, or some thermal gloves. There are manicure sets for both genders. Also, don't overlook pretty soap dishes or handcream dispensers, high-quality ice scrapers or snow shovels meant to be kept in cars, or inexpensive throws (blanket-type) to be kept on a sofa or bed or in a car for emergencies. Boxes of notecards also make a nice but inexpensive gift. Small plants in attractive pots make nice gifts for the right person as well. A bunch of fresh cut flowers from the supermarket (either wrapped by the florist department or placed in an inexpensive vase) is a small but nice gift under some circumstances.

Sometimes inexpensive, but particularly appropriate, Christmas ornaments can be found. There are often also knick-knack items that may be particularly right for certain people.

3. For those in the AT&T Wireless area AT&T's website often offers prepaid, refurbished (but with a limited warranty) cell phones inexpensively. These prepaid phones come with starter time on them, so when AT&T is offering a refurbished phone the shopper gets the phone and the time for the price. The gift recipient must, of course, pay at least fifteen dollars a month to keep the service on (although s/he will have 60 days before the account is closed).

4. Don't forget edible gifts that you put together yourself. There are easy-to-make fudge recipes, as well as easy-to-make cookie, coffee cake, and banana-nut breads. If baking from scratch is not possible Pillsbury offers quickbread mixes (date, banana, carrot, pumpkin, lemon poppy, apple, and others) at less than two dollars a mix. These mixes require eggs, shortening, vegetable oil, any add-ins one prefers, loaf pans (disposable foil loaf pans in packages of three or individually are available) and a mixing bowl. Mixing up several different kinds of quickbreads and presenting them on a pretty (and inexpensive) holiday plate or in a holiday tin makes an inexpensive gift. When they're presented on a plate or in a tin they can be cut into small slices. These breads can also be presented unsliced and wrapped attractively.

Party stores, as well as discount and dollar stores, usually carry plastic, "cut-glass-looking" plates, trays, and other dishes for inexpensive but attractive presentation of foods. Inexpensive baskets can also often be found, especially at holiday time. Fruit baskets or fruit trays can easily be made by adding (of course) fruit and wrapping. Unsliced fruit will last longer, although slicing/cutting it works better on trays.

5. Gift cards and gift certificates are available from most retailers and start with denominations of ten dollars (although fast-food places may offer five-dollar books of gift certificates). Whether its a book store, WalMart, Dunkin Donuts, CVS or McDonalds, these cards can make useful gifts for some people. Students who use prepaid phone service may appreciate a few dollars on a phone card (that is, of course, from their service provider).

Many of the above gifts can be mixed and matched and included in a gift bag of assorted gifts. A gift bag with things like a small box of note cards, some scented candles, a pretty key chain, and a trial size package of some personal product the recipient is known to use makes a nice gift.

When the recipient understands the giver's financial situation giving a card with the gift is often not necessary. Gift tags with a few extra words on them will do the job. When a greeting card is important it isn't necessary to pay three dollars for one. Dollar stores, discount stores, and supermarkets often offer cards for less. Making a card is also nice. Its also not necessary to pay top dollar for wrapping paper, gift bags, tissue paper, tape or ribbons. These items, too, can be found at dollar stores for very little money.

Finally, regardless of one's religion (or lack of it), keep in mind the words from the Christmas song, "The Little Drummer Boy", in which the drummer boy says, "I have no gift to bring....that's fit to give a king....shall I play for Him on my drum?"

If You Want to Make the World A Better Place

2008-11-12T02:54:00.000-08:00

If you want to make the world a better place start with yourself, your own family, and your own home.

Most of us want - more than anything - a peaceful world. Peaceful people come from peaceful homes and families. For now, achieving world peace may seem like an impossible task; but it is easy to achieve a peaceful home, even without expecting everyone to agree all the time. There are civil ways to disagree. There are peaceful, compassionate, ways to teach right from wrong and even to punish wrong.

Aggressive acts come in all sizes. The numbers of people who will commit dramatic and huge acts of aggression aren't always that high. Sometimes it's the all-too-common smaller acts of individual aggression We may not be able to stop some of the insane, large, acts of aggression in this world; but the thousands and thousands of people act aggressively on highways, in schoolyards, and in stores/shops (whether that's in the US or elsewhere) make the world that much worse. Not that I condone large acts of violence and aggression, but sometimes those committing them at least believe they have an excuse or cause. There is no excuse for the small, meaningless, acts of aggression in our day-to-day lives.

The world would also be a better place without so much media coverage of "celebutantes".

Most of us want a world where people respect one another, animals, and the Earth. Here again, this type of respect is easy to nurture in one's own home. Knowing what the term, "respect" (for ourselves, others, and the world) means; and setting a standard of behavior in our homes would lead to so many more people of this world being so much better people.

If we want to make the world a better place we need to get rid of reality television, backwards baseball caps, and all orange vegetables (except for carrots).

The world would be a better place if more people could be better educated. It is actually fairly easy to cultivate education within our families, but the challenge here is sending children from even the most nurturing environments into schools that so desperately need improvement. Still, there are enough families in which education is not a priority, so even if those families changed their ways the world would be that much better for it.

Too many people are willing to helplessly accept the way things are or the way things have always been done. Life is like a giant jigsaw puzzle, and things that are right are like the right pieces of that puzzle. Things that are wrong are like the wrong pieces of the puzzle. Too many people try to work with those "wrong pieces", but everyone knows that the "picture" will never be correct without all the correct pieces. Making the world a better place would involve each and every person's decision not to just accept what is wrong. Trying to work with the wrong "puzzle pieces" means either leaving emptiness in the "puzzle" or jamming them into the space and causing the whole puzzle to become misshapen. There's a very popular saying, "When life gives you lemons make lemonade." If you want to change the world you don't just "make lemonade" - you throw the lemons back and say, "I don't accept these. Send me something better!"

The world would be a better place if governments could be better governments.

The world would be a better place if all children were born to solid, mature, stable, parents who wanted them.

The world would be a better place if only people of high integrity ran it. The world would be a better place if the court systems were about justice - and not just winning at all costs.

The world would be a better place if customer service people were given the power, or a supervisor who had the power, to solve problems and not just say, "Unfortunately, there isn't any way we can fix that - but we value you as a customer." The commonly bemoaned customer service situation is a result of too many people "making lemonade". It is also sometimes the result of too many heads of companies (and their subordinates) not, apparently, having come from homes where standards of behavior, respect, and excellence were important.

If you want to make the world a better place, it is with resignation and regret that I remind you there is nothing much we can do about hurricanes, earthquakes, cyclones, tsunamis, and other natural disasters (although some changes in the way we sometimes populate high-risk areas could be made). With regard to most of the other things I mentioned, though, those are all things that can be changed if you start with yourself, your own family, and your home (oh - and yes - your own car and shopping cart).

Finally, never mind about the orange vegetables. After thinking more about them I realize that some people actually like them. When all is said and done, I suppose things like orange vegetables as the least of this world's problems.

Should Towns and Cities Put Up Christmas Decorations?

2008-11-12T02:46:00.001-08:00

So many of the things we do today have roots in, or were inspired by, ancient customs, religion, or even more recent history. Take front lawns, for instance. We don't think much about the fact that lawns are as common as they are, but it wasn't until someone was inspired to borrow the idea of lawns from England, where the wealthiest families' homes had expanses of beautiful lawns, that American homes began to have lawns. Few of us look at our front lawn and think of England.

Holidays, too, have roots in the past or in the present-day religions of some, but very often, and much to the dismay of those who adhere to the religious roots of certain holidays, the meaning of holidays has been "watered down" or re-defined in a way that suits our time or people who may not share the religious beliefs of others, who more strictly keep certain holidays' traditional, religious roots. People who want to keep the religious meaning of some holidays often believe that only the religious among us should celebrate those holidays. Other people, though, believe there is something nice about celebrating a holiday, like Christmas, in a way that includes everyone, regardless of their religious beliefs. The "peace-on-Earth" and "goodwill" parts of Christmas can be celebrated even by those who do not share the belief that the birth of Jesus Christ is the only reason to celebrate Christmas.

Most holidays have been "watered down". Halloween has roots in religion. Its also a holiday when some people choose to emphasize skeletons, witches and zombies. Ever since my children were young I have refused to celebrate Halloween in any way other than with cheerful Jack-O-Lantern faces, cute Halloween kittens, mums on my front stairs and pumpkins from the local garden center. In other words, Trick or Treaters who come to my house will find that I celebrate Halloween, but I don't celebrate it the way many other people do. Some people do a similar thing with Easter, emphasizing the Spring aspect of it rather than the religious aspect of it. It is even possible to celebrate the Spring aspect and still pay attention to spirituality or faith without, when one's beliefs are contrary to the traditional/religious meaning of Easter, emphasizing that part of it. How many people celebrate Memorial Day with a barbecue but little thought to its real meaning? How many non-Irish people and Irish people wear green on St. Patrick's Day and keep some Irish bread on the table without giving a second of thought to the roots of that holiday? Both Canada and the United States have their own versions of Thanksgiving, and when people are vegetarians they don't eat any turkey on that day.

It isn't such a bad thing that holidays (particularly those associated with family gatherings and traditions) often become "watered down" to the point where they are no longer something only some people believe in but are, instead, something our whole culture can share. Sure, the original meaning gets lost over time and as more and more people celebrate holidays they may not have previously, but how nice it is that holidays can be shared by a whole culture, regardless of individual beliefs.

When my daughter was in pre-school I had to "dress up" some lollipops for the Christmas party. I didn't know how many children's families celebrated Christmas or how many families may have only celebrated Hanukkah. I bought red, green, and purple ribbons and stickers appropriate for both holidays and sent in more than enough pops to give each child a few for their own holiday. My family is not Jewish. We had leftover Hanukkah stickers, and my daughter asked if she could have them. She stuck them all over her ice-skating helmet and proudly wore it each week before Christmas. On the day Santa came to ice-skating class her instructor somewhat hesitantly asked me if we were Jewish. I explained the stickers, and the instructor explained how she hadn't thought we were Jewish but that she wanted to know if the Christmas celebration may be a problem for us. The point is I was pleased to have my little pre-schooler wear her Hanukkah stickers so proudly even thought we aren't Jewish. How nice it is to do a little something for someone else's holiday.

When the trees on a town's common are strung with Christmas lights or when there are green wreaths with red bows on the doors of the town hall its the symbol of a holiday so many of us have come to share, regardless of our religious beliefs. With some roots in the idea of brightening up the darkest part of Winter, some in religious beliefs, and some in the idea of being close to family and friends and having family traditions, Christmas has any number of meanings for any number of people. When I hang my traditional green wreath and light my front door and windows with sparkling white lights what is behind those decorations is my wish to join with my neighbors in creating a little magic in those dark, cold, New England, nights.

Its the same thing when a town puts up a Christmas tree or lights or wreaths. Just as my cute Halloween kittens and mums have nothing to do with any of the religious roots of Halloween, many of the Christmas decorations put up by town or city governments only have something to do with the religious meaning of Christmas to those for whom Christmas is about religion. For those for whom Christmas does not have a religious meaning, the bows, lights, and trees on the town common or city hall grounds represent a community's coming together to share a holiday and a season that can, if people want it to be, be for everyone.

We live in a difficult and sometimes dark world. When people join together to lift the spirits of a community and share in the lighting and decorating of a season aimed at family and friends and peace on Earth its a nice thing. I can't help but believe - for those who do believe there is someone watching us here, on Earth - that He may look down on our towns and cities, see the lights on the trees and the wreaths on the doors, and approve - even when we all may have different meanings associated with the season.

A Favorite Christmas Carol

2008-11-11T06:55:00.000-08:00

Regardless of one's opinion about the Christmas holiday, itself, the song that, to me, most represents Christmas is, "Hark the Herald Angels Sing".

This lyrics to this carol were written by Charles Wesley in 1739. According to carols.org.uk, Charles Wesley was the brother was John Wesley, who founded the Methodist Church. The original tune was not the one with which we are familiar today. The tune we've come to know was written in 1840 by Felix Mendelssohn (to commemorate Gutenberg's invention of the printing press) and was adapted by musician, William H. Cummings, to fit the Wesley's lyrics.

Whether sung by a choir, performed by an orchestra, or played as a violin or piano solo, Mendelssohn's music expresses the celestial celebration of the arrival of a child who would come to be known as the Prince of Peace. With the music that conveys that peace is not just lack of discord or violence but is something that must come from the core of man's spirit, this carol expresses the pure hope and joy (even if imagined retroactively) of a colder world warmed by the message of peace.

The lyrics portray images of joyful angels singing about messages from Heaven finding their way to Earth with the birth of a poor child in a cold manger under the sky over Bethlehem.

This carol has power, beauty, and even a little magic. It embodies the faith of many but may even have a way of making non-believers feel the holiness of the promise of peace as well. It ends its complex and grand celebration of the promise that the birth of Jesus held for the angels with the simple and quieter, "Glory to the newborn king." With that last line in the lyrics comes not just the celebration of the birth but the suggestion that all would be well now that the message of peace would be spread throughout the world.

Whether you believe that Jesus was far more than a human being or just a holy man of humble beginnings and a higher calling, the message and music of "Hark the Herald Angels Sings" is inspirational and beautiful. If you want to feel like Christmas this is the song to play.

The Santa Lie - and The Truth About Fantasy

2008-11-11T03:00:00.000-08:00

Santa Claus is one of the few remaining parts of childhood that our so-called "enlightened" society has not yet managed to completely eliminate. There are, of course, those who believe that telling this lie to children will cause children to lose faith in parents and stop listening to what parents have to say.

I believe that letting children believe in Santa is a nice thing, and even, perhaps, a healthy thing.

When I was four years old I tried to engage the dull little boy next door in some imaginary play. I thought I was starting the "story" for both us when I told him I had a horse in my basement, and there was also a train small enough for children to ride in the basement as well. This unimaginative little kid didn't get my attempt to engage him in fantasy (even though I didn't have the word for it at the time), and he went and asked my father if we really had a horse and a train. It was then "established" that I had told giant lies, and I was lectured about not lying.

At four years old I couldn't sort out in my head what I needed to say to explain that I had been trying to engage this little dullard in fantasy, so I just let my parents think I was a big liar. Once I got older I realized that my lie was just a good natured attempt to get some play started.

Children love magic and fantasy. They understand it much younger than people think they can. While young children believe Santa is real (when they're told about him) and get to feel that magical feeling, older children who know better usually understand the concept of engaging someone else in fantasy - for no reason other than offering a little magic and imagination in a world that, without fantasy, wouldn't have much of those things.

Kids are smarter and more understanding than many people give them credit for. As a former Santa-believer, sibling of other Santa-believers, and mother of three former Santa-believers, I've found that most former believers just kind of understand that their parents wanted them to share in something make-believe and special when children are young and magic makes such nice memories. Normal kids who get older don't ask what else their parents lied about. They understand the difference and understand that all their parents wanted to do was give them something nice before they got too old and too cynical for that type of thing.

Most parents help children transition from believing to not believing by talking about the spirit behind the Santa story, and talking about how even if Santa doesn't really come down the chimney the spirit of magic at Christmas is in the hearts of those who want it to be.

When my kids were little, after they were asleep and the gifts were out, I'd take a few minutes to go out on my front lawn at around midnight or even two a.m. I'd stand on my high suburban lawn and look at the lights that were still on in some houses. Of course, that time of night in December in New England is very cold and silent and crisp. I would stand and listen to the silence, look at the stars, soak in the dark expanse of night, and imagine that somewhere out in that expanse of black sky maybe Santa's sleigh was in flight. With the feeling of having finished all my shopping, decorating, and putting out the "Santa" things while worrying that a child would wake up, I would enjoy this moment in the cold Winter night, knowing all had been done but the Christmas dinner. A season of work had ended, and there behind the bedroom windows of my home slept my greatest gifts.

The mind is a funny thing, and I am not making this up to add creativity to my writing, but I would actually kind of hear distant sleigh-bells off in the distance. I dont know - maybe my middle-ears were reacting to the cold temperature. Still, it wasn't just the faint sound of bells. There was also the very distant sound of angels singing somewhere in the night.

The world is full of lies and people who cannot imagine up a little magic. Children can pretty much sort out lies from fantasy, and they can usually can understand that parents' wish to create a little a magic for just a few years is a well intentioned attempt to let little ones have a childhood before the world steps in.

My children are grown now, but this year - as I do every year - I'll be going out to the yard late on Christmas Eve and standing there until I hear the faint sleigh-bells and distant songs of angels.

What my parents, who lied to me about Santa, taught me was how nice it was to learn what magic feels like and how nice it was to have a childhood in which magic existed at least once each year. What I learned too is that even though the magic is smaller once we've grown, there are still ways to find it when our hearts have learned how to feel it, where to look, and what to listen for.

When Christmas Won't Be Magical and Merry

2008-11-11T02:50:00.000-08:00

For those who celebrate this holiday and the season surrounding it, Christmas brings the expectation of a sense of magic and wonder. We grow up hearing that the Christmas season is "the most wonderful time of the year".

This holiday that has for centuries been centered around the birth of Jesus Christ, but that also has roots associated with brightening the dark Winter, today celebrates any combination of meaningful things (depending on who is celebrating). A sense of magic, miracles, wonder, and the shared and heartfelt wish for peace-on-Earth are what we expect of this special time of year. Alas, life does not always give us the luxury of a season of nothing but joy and wonder. With its apparently relentless "commitment" to things not-so-magical and merry, real life can sometimes throw some very large monkey wrenches into that sense of magic and merriment we're all expected to experience. That isn't to say that magic and wonder are not parts of real life, but sometimes real life (and our oh-so-real troubled hearts) can have a way of making sure we're denied those things at least for a while. On those Christmases when magic and merriment can't possibly be ours, each time we are wished, "Merry Christmas", it can seem as if we are reminded that ours cannot be. On those years when Christmas cannot possibly merry, we are usually almost accustomed to not having merriment; but, oh, how - no matter what difficulties we face - we so often do long for some Christmas magic.

Christmas time can be darkened when, for example, we have recently lost a loved one. Illness in the family, money troubles, being separated from loved ones, family discord, or recent divorce are other realities that have the potential of dampening Christmas spirit. In fact, there can be those Christmas seasons during which more than one of these difficult circumstances can exist together, and have the potential of robbing us of every last shred of Christmas magic. More difficult and challenging is the fact that life can bring us whole strings of Christmases in a row for which finding magic and wonder can seem impossible. An often overlooked group of people in the "can't-find-the-magic club" are teens and young adults who may generally be happy people, but who are too old for the "Santa magic" for themselves but too young to see and feel that magic through the eyes of their own children.

There can be times when we'd like to completely ignore the whole holiday season and Christmas day, itself but the world won't seem to let us. It may be our responsibility to make other family members' Christmases magical (particularly children), or at least not to make others' holiday even more gloomy. Unless our circumstances are particularly fresh and extreme, we usually choose to go through the motions.

Christmas music we hear everywhere can just be irritating. We may remain immune to the lights on the town common that, for others, brighten the long December nights. "Getting out the Christmas decorations" can turn into "dragging out all the Christmas junk", and putting them up is nothing but "yet more work for no good reason". When our lack of magic is shared by family and friends they aren't necessarily much help. When we seem to be the only one in our circle of family and friends who can't find any magic we must choose whether to remain silent (and feel isolated) or inflict our gloom upon others' Christmas.

I don't happen to recall whether it was the Charlie Brown (Charles Schultz) Easter special or Christmas special in which Linus remarks to Charlie Brown that Charlie is the only one Linus knows who can manage to turn something nice like Christmas (or Easter) into a problem. That is one of the most memorable lines among the Charlie Brown holiday specials, because whether we feel the magic or not Christmas is, as Linus described it, "a nice thing". We just need to learn not to expect too much from it, particularly when it comes at a time when we're not really in the mood for it.

The Christmas season is a time when so many people try to create magic and beauty everywhere. That shared aim, alone, is something to view as just a little magical and miraculous. Millions of people in any number of places across the world decide to decorate homes and streets and cities with lights, ribbons, wreaths, and decorated trees - all in an effort to brighten the season. This holiday that is centered around being with family and friends, peace on Earth, and the beautiful story of a baby born to humble circumstances who grew up to try to bring peace to the hearts of so many is, again as Linus said, a nice thing.

Some Christmases are better for us than others. Sometimes we need to look a little harder to find just a little magic. While (particularly when we're children) Christmases in the past may have felt like one, big, season of magic-everywhere; we may find that the magic can only be felt in small doses (if any at all). Sometimes it can help if we do make the extra effort to put up some particularly nice decorations or make it a point to listen to some particularly beautiful or cheerful Christmas music. Sometimes it can help if we stay up long past when everyone else has gone to sleep, and spend a little "alone time" by the light of the Christmas tree and allowing our tired hearts to just enjoy a brief respite. In other words, sometimes we have to settle for the quiet but warming moments of appreciating the beauty of Christmas, along with those people and things we do have in this life. Letting a troubled or broken heart take a rest from its woes isn't a shallow thing to do. Even the most troubled hearts need a rest; and even those who are in the ugliest of circumstances can benefit from seemingly tiny moments of beauty.

There are, of course, those Christmas seasons in which there won't even be any fleeting moments of beauty when the magic is too hard to come by. There will always (at least for most people) be those times when there is no point in even trying to find Christmas spirit, and that's when we need to lower our expectations. There are times when those lights on the town common or the lighting-of-the-giant-Christmas-tree ceremonies just don't elicit a shred of magic for us. Christmas dinner may be ignored, spent alone, or spent seated among a group of family members who feel equally as without magic as we do.

When we're having one of those years lowering the expectation of finding magic to an expectation of appreciating those we have and what we have, as well as any Christmas beauty that does exist around us, is the only thing we can do to prevent disappointment. We can't live in the grips of a tough (or at least less-than-magical) reality all year round and then expect that reality to "lift" or turn to magic in December. Much of the disenchantment many of us can feel at Christmas has less to do with not being able to find any magic, than with our expectation that we may miraculously feel magic at Christmas. We need to know that it sometimes has to be enough to find ways to celebrate a less-than-magical Christmas. Magic, after all, is not something we can always create for ourselves or others; and it isn't something that automatically appears to us because we, or the calendar, decide it should.

As children, we often felt the magic of leaving cookies out in the anticipation of Santa's visit and finding only crumbs on the plate Christmas morning. As grown-ups, we may feel that hint of magic when we see those lights on the town common or attend a Christmas performance. There are times when we won't. Still, there are always miracles to be seen around us. Those miracles may seen in children. They may be seen in loved ones who have against all odds remained with us for another year. They may be seen in families who managed to stay together and whole in spite of an awful lot of things that can seem to try to pull them apart. Miracles may be seen in the survivors of terrible storms, and they may be seen in the fact that the human heart and spirit regardless of how broken somehow and so often seem to heal and feel magic again.

In life we usually learn that there is no Santa who comes to eat the cookies, and that "every-year-without-fail" kind of magic is for children. We learn, when we grow up, that magic doesn't always come at Christmas time. Sometimes it comes at other times during the year. We learn, too, that we often have to work to create our own sense of magic and wonder, and sometimes we need to look a little harder to find some. There are, of course, those times when life is being kind and when Christmas magic just happens for us, as it did when we were children.

When it is clear that Christmas time is fast approaching and that it may well be a year of no magic for us, we sometimes need to realize that such Christmases do happen and that we need to celebrate what we do have in ways that may not be magical; but that are, nonetheless, rare and treasured gifts. We need to realize that feeling magic is not something we can or should expect. After all, it wouldn't be "magic" if it were.